Here presented in story form for your delectation and delight -
The spirit of songs past (A ghost story)
Halloween is coming, so I thought a ghost story might be appropriate
Preparations for the Halloween party were in full swing.
The pumpkins were carved and on the porch ready for the candles to be lit,
the apple bobbing was all set up, as was the fortune telling mirror.
The decorations were nearly all up, only the squeaking bats were left to put up,
but still Wendy was not satisfied. What this party needs, she mused,
is a bit of an edge, something different.
Going to the kitchen drawer she rummaged, and came up with her grandmother's old cookery book.
Perhaps I can find something in here she thought gran used to make some great party food.
As she went to open the book it slipped, and fell to the floor.
Picking it up Wendy noticed something protruding from under the cover.
Funny, she thought, I never noticed that before.
She pulled out the piece of folded paper, and carefully opened it.
Yellowed with age, and with spidery, faded writing on it, it was headed,
"How to summon the spirit of songs past".
Fascinated, Wendy started to read............................
......take some red feathers, "Aaargh" screamed Wendy but took control of herself
quickly, mix with twenty tiny fingers and twenty tiny toes, try a little tenderness
and then gently sprinkle in some ..................
.......she stopped reading. She'd heard a strange sound coming from the floor below.
She strained her ears to try and hear it again. There it was..........thump......thump.
Wendy put down the book and decided to go down the stairs to investigate.
She knew she was in the house alone.
Suddenly the lights flickered and then went off. She was in complete darkness.
Only the moon was shining through the window giving an eerie light.
The wind seemed to be getting stronger and was blowing the branches against the window.
Could that have been what she heard?
She decided that no it definitely wasn't the tree tapping against the glass.
Thinking to herself that if it was a Hollywood movie she would now be lighting a
candle and dressed in some sort of diphaneous nightie she would be edging her way
down creepy stairs ready to scream.
But it wasn't a movie so instead she picked up a heavy torch and made her way to
the door that led downstairs.........
...... and as she opened the door, by the light of her flickering torch she saw
to her horror that two wizened old gentlemen were standing on the landing
one was waving an album of Ivor Novellos Greatest Hits, while the other thrust
a big handful of Football Programmes towards her. Wendys worst nightmare had come
true It was Kenny and Ossie and they were there to 'Trick or Treat' her.
Hurrying back into her room she reached for her treasured 78 of David Whitfield
singing Cara Mia and smashed it across Kennys head and in the same instant she
bravely grabbed Ossies football programmes and flung them across the landing
yelling at them Get out of here with your 'thump' 'thump' 'thump', and dont
come back no more
But even as she recoiled in horror, the two terrible spectres (no not Spectors, dear)
crumbled in to ashes before her eyes. Quickly she thought she would call a friend to
come round and help her make it through the night - there was no way she would be
able to put her feet up - that was for sure. Who should she call?
Robin was the nearest, but maybe not the dearest -
and anyway he was probably busy carving up the
deer that he and his wife had recently killed with a wild swing of his golf club.
Better get EssexGirl and Judy round she thought. Safety in numbers. She lifted the
receiver but even before her chocolate coated fingers had time to dial a number an
eeerie voice came through the earpiece. In a dreadful sing song voice - it wailed.
"Oh Wendy - you are funny ...... DEAD funny! Be warned that when the clock strikes
twelve the door will fly open and in will come.........
...too late! the clock suddenly struck twelve o' clock, a figure slid out from the
shadows and in through the open door startling Wendy.
"Who are you", she nervously enquired to the shrivelled old man who wore a white
smock and a golden turban.
"Care not who I am", replied the figure, "take this".
The old fakir handed Wendy a small bundle which she hesitantly opened, inside she
found a small dried up claw.
"Take it I say, it will grant you three wishes".
As the old man walked away, he turned slowly and called out, "Be very careful what
you wish for". He then disappeared from sight.
.....Well, by this stage Wendy was almost hysterical. Weird spectres, fakirs with
dried up claws, not a normal day at all.
What do I do she thought. She remembered her original thought and rushed to the
telephone to summon assistance, but the phone was dead. The lights were still off,
and she was alone and scared, in the dark. Oh I wish there was someone here to
protect me she cried.........
. and, still clutching the small dried up claw the first of her 3 wishes was
about to be granted. She became aware of a distant tenor voice singing..
"Santo Natale, Santo Natale, This is my way of saying Merry Christmas to you" ..
With her eyes firmly closed, not wanting to see the one thing she feared most of all.
It was as if her bedroom had suddenly turned into Room 101. Who are you
she cried through trembling lips.
The tenor voice now seemed very close, and Wendy could smell the faint aroma of
performing seals. The singing stopped and the powerful voice called to her -
I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.
Summoning up all her courage, she screamed Go away! Youre too early
Its only just Halloween.
The Ghost just gave out with a devilish laugh - Ha Ha Ha (reminding her of
a Lita Roza record from many years ago). Im not too early at all Im your
Ghost Early for Christmas.
Opening her eyelids just enough, her fears were immediately confirmed.
Youre not the Ghost of Christmas Past, youre David Whitfield
What do you want of me?
Im here to grant your wish, and give you protection, said David in
that familiar nasal tone.
Go to Hell, David, she cried. "I dont want your protection".
With a shake of his, now thinning, blond locks, he bellowed back at her,
"Im not from Hell, woman Im from Hull". And just as quickly as hed appeared
moments earlier, he was gone, gone, gone beyond the stars laughing as he
disappeared, "Youve wasted the first of your 3 wishes, my dear".
Whatever will Wendy wish for next?
.....she shuddered at the memory of being called "Dear" by David of all people
before he'd disappeared so suddenly and she slowly walked back into the room
where she had left her grandmothers cook book. She threw the dried up claw on
the coffee table as she walked past it.
The lights were still off and the wind was howling round all the nooks and crannies
of the old house. Ever resourceful she rummaged around in the kitchen cupboard and
found the candles which she kept there for just such an emergency.
Soon the room was bathed in soft candlelight and she began to feel more at ease.
Of course there wasn't anything to be scared of. She could handle whatever else
was going to happen that night. Couldn't she?
"Bam Bam Bam" - what was that?
It sounded like somebody was pounding on the front door. At last! The party was
due to start at midnight and her guests must be arriving.
She ran downstairs and over to the door. She could hear muffled voices on the other
side. She opened the heavy oak door
(well doors always creak open at Halloween don't they)
"Well you certainly took your time didn't you?" exclaimed Judy walking in
"We've been out here for ages and we are soaked through" said Chris shaking
raindrops from her hair.
"Oh am I glad to see you two" breathed Wendy with a sigh of relief.
"We thought you might need a hand getting stuff ready for the party so we're
here to help" explained Judy
"Never mind all that now. Come and sit down because I've got stuff to tell you"
said Wendy ushering them into the lounge and pushing them down onto the sofa.
Chris idly picked up the dried claw and turned it over in her hands
"What's this horrible looking thing" she said
"Oh I'll explain about that in a minute" said Wendy "You'll never guess what's
happened and you'll never guess who was here just a short while ago"
"Ooooooh who? Who?" asked Judy agog for a bit of gossip.
"Hang on a minute" said Chris "What sort of a party is this? Aren't you going
to give us a drink while you tell us?"
Wendy hurriedly went off to get her two friends something to drink and Judy
and Chris carried on with the conversation they'd been having before the door
had been opened.
"So anyway I was telling you about my dream last night wasn't I?" asked Judy
"Yes. You'd got up to the bit where you were in the same room as Bobby Darin
and Tab Hunter. Oh Judy I wish that was true. Wouldn't it be great if............."
"No. No!!!!!!" screamed Wendy coming back into the room and noticing that Chris
was still holding the claw "Don't wish for anything while you are holding that!!!!!!!"
But her warning was to no avail because from the dim corner of the room they
suddenly heard the immortal words
"Splish Splash I was taking a bath"
The three friends looked and saw..............
..........a ghostly apparition of the sexy Bobby Darin beginning to emerge
from the gloom.
"Oooh. Me! Me!" shouted Judy, shoving Chris out of the way.
"I was here first", said a disgruntled Chris.
"Yes, but I look more like Sandra Dee", gloated Judy.
"Jack Dee, more like", muttered Chris.
"Oh, stop it, you two", said Wendy, taking charge, "You can both.........."
Her voice trailed off as the apparition became closer and clearer and at
once the three girls saw with horror, that it was turning slowly into a .........
very very scary ghost of Ivor Novello. He flickered in and out of focus, and
appeared to be trying to sing, but no words could be heard, only an awful low
moaning. He advanced towards them, waving sheet music of all his songs before him.
Suddenly a voice rang out - "Don't let the music touch you or it will turn you
into an Ivor Novello fan for ever, you will never like any other music ever again"
Wendy, Chris and Judy shrieked and made a dive for behind the sofa to get away
from this deadly fate, but before they got there the owner of the warning voice
sprang into the room. "Foul spirit begone" he cried, "in the name of The King,
The Killer and The Big O, leave this place". With a loud woosh and a final
shake of his sheet music the ghost left.
Now ladies, how on earth did you get yourself into this fix, said their rescuer,
turning to face them, and for the first time the girls realised it was............
.......Jimbo who was almost totally unrecognisable because he was dressed as
a giant pumpkin but they recognised the voice.
That reminded the girls that the other guests would soon be arriving for the
party and they hadn't even had a chance to change into their fancy dress costumes.
They dashed upstairs while Jimbo helped himself to a drink which wasn't easy as
his rotund shape made negotiating round the room rather difficult. He idly picked
up the claw which Chris had thrown down earlier.
Surely he wouldn't..........would he?
Judy gave Jim a quick warning.
"Be careful with that claw", she yelled, "Wendy and Chris have both had a wish
each and neither were what they really wanted. The man who gave it to Wendy
warned her to take care what she wished for".
"Hmmmn", thought Jim, "Leeds United promoted to the Premiership.....no, no
one could grant that.... I know, a concert with the real Elvis".
Wendy saw Jim thinking out loud and was just going to stop him when there was a
ring on the door bell - more guests had arrived and her warning went unheard...
Noisily the guests clattered in. Everyone had got into the spirit of Halloween,
and the costumes were a sight to be seen. Ossie had come as a bat, Kenny as a
broomstick. Judy and Chris had finished changing and came downstairs dressed
as a witch and and werewolf. In the rush of greetings and getting everyone a
drink no-one noticed that Jimbo had disappeared into another room, still
holding the claw.
He looked at it longingly - should I he wondered, Wendy and Chris didn't
get exactly what they wanted, but if I wish for it properly it must work.
He decided to go for it
"I wish to attend a concert and to see the real Elvis" he said.
For a moment nothing happened, then
The lights went out
A gale blew through the house, opening every door and window
A ghostly orchestra struck up
A phantom stage appeared lit by a single spotlight
Everyone huddled together waiting for what happened next
Wendy said, Oh Jimbo, what have you done. Before he could reply
A disembodied announcer spoke in an echoing voice
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...................
. Jimbo was visibly All Shook Up and completely Paralyzed with excitement
Was he about to witness the ultimate comeback? Elvis had been his hero ever
since he first heard his man sing Heartbreak Hotel back in 1956, when Jim
was still a mere lad of 29.
MAKING HIS FIRST APPEARANCE FOR MANY YEARS continued the announcer
A mist had filled the stage . but through it Jim could just see a pair of
horn-rimmed glasses reflected by the spotlight Thas nivver worn glasses,
Elvis old lad, thought Jim. Gerragrip he muttered to himself.
happen theyve sen me Buddy Holly in mistak
. PLEASE WELCOME TO THE STAGE, THE ONE AND ONLY
the mist cleared and to his horror, Jim realised the terrible mistake
hed made in rubbing Wendy's claw and making a wish ..
. SINGING HIS HIT RECORD OLIVERS ARMY ELVIS COSTELLO
The girls gasped, and they noticed that A Tear Fell from the corner of
Jims eye. Gizza amber nectar quick, Wendy cried Jim Tharll nay be
any Good Rockin Toneet
Chris and Judy at least decided to make the best of it, and as Elvis
started to sing they began to tap their toes and do a hand jive to the
Meanwhile, Wendy stormed off to the drinks cabinet with a face like thunder
to get Jim his amber nectar. MEN! she muttered to herself I cant be
doing with em
At that moment there was a heavy Thump! Thump! Thump at the door,
but no-one else heard it as they were all close to the loud music from the
stage. Wendy huffed damned good thing I can multi-task! she thought.
I suppose Ill have to answer the door as well as pour their bloody drinks.
And off she strode to the hall.
Flinging the door open it was Jelly a beaming smile on his face,
so pleased was he to see Wendy. But still annoyed that Jim had wasted the
last of the 3 wishes, she snapped at Jelly. Youre supposed to be in fancy
dress. And looking him up and down she added And whats that lump
in your trouser pocket?
Its a piece of Pumpkin Pie said Jelly, looking crestfallen that Wendy
was in a bad mood and shouting at him. Ive come straight from work,
and we had a Halloween Lunch today, and there was some left over
he said, offering it to Wendy. Im sorry I didnt have time to get a
fancy dress. All Ive got is my Santa outfit and its too warm to wear
Well I suppose the Mickey Mouse T-Shirt youre wearing will have to do
said Wendy, realising it was no good being cross with him. At least its
your Fantasia T-Shirt with Mickey holding a broomstick. She stood aside
to let Jelly in.
Will there be food later? said Jelly, smiling again.
I suppose so Wendy replied. But first of all, go and have a dance with
Judy or Chris - Do you know how to do The Locomotion or The Mashed Potato, Jelly?
No, but my friends at work today showed me how to ..
......use my digital camera"
"Oh good, it's about time too. You've only got to get your cellphone
sussed our properly now. Go off and take some photos of everybody then"
She flicked back her vampire wig from her eyes and attempted to put her
fangs back in her mouth.
"But where's the food?" Jelly asked
Wendy took the fangs out again because she was finding it impossible to
talk with them in.
"There isn't any yet but we are going to bob for apples so maybe you'll
be able to manage that"
Jelly moved off with his camera and went to join his friends standing
round the barrel of apples.
A large orange cat was the first in the queue. Who could it be Wendy
wondered? And why an orange cat when Halloween cats are supposed to be
black she thought.
"What do we have to do?" asked the cat
"Just put your head in the water and feel around for an apple bobbing
about and grab it and bring it out" explained Wendy
"But.........but.........that will mean I have to put my face in the
water" moaned the cat.
"That's right, that's how the game is played" said Wendy patiently and
with that she took hold of the cats ears and pulled the head off.
"Stephen! I might have known it was you" she exclaimed
Just then there was a loud crash of thunder and lightning filled the room.
A weird sound could be heard coming down the stairs
The room started to get very cold and the Turnips looked towards the
......... a small but perfectly formed ghostly figure of a little old
man was standing just outside on the naughty step.
Whooooooooo Whoooooooooo it continued.
Wendy had already had quite enough scary things happen to her this
evening, not to be frightened by this apparition at the door.
Stop that whoooooing and tell us who you are old man.
I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come it wailed. Whoooooooooo
Ive already had enough of this nonsense from David Whitfield
snapped Wendy. Its not Christmas, its Halloween.
Whoooooooooo it continued.
Wendy looked closer at the face, as the hood of the ghostly figures
cloak slipped off from its head. I know whooooooooo you are, she said.
Theres no hiding those blond streaks in your hair Its Theo isnt it?
Whoooooooooooo he began again, but soon broke into a chuckle,
knowing now that Wendy had seen through his disguise. I had you
fooled for a minute, didnt I
You sure did, hun she said. Its brilliant what you did to disguise
yourself like that with stage make-up you looked even older than
Ossie Dales Come on in, and get yourself a glass of Chardonnay
the partys already in full swing.
Cool said Theo, breaking into song as he entered the room .
Whoooooooo put the bomp in the bomp de bomp de bomp, Who put the
ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong.
Youd better not sing that rubbish, Theo, Wendy called to him.
Your Uncle Kenny is in there somewhere, and you know he doesnt
like you using that kind of language.
But before Theo could answer, there was a terrible scream from the
room. Come here quickly, Wendy. It was Chriss voice. Someones
fallen head first into the apple bobbing barrel.
Wendy dashed in past Theo - and sure enough, there were two little
legs sticking up out of the barrel. Who could it be?
Naturally it was Stephen. "I've dropped my notebook in there" he wailed
"and now I'll never be able to remember which epsidode of Quatermass I missed."
I'm sure there's someone here who could tell you" snapped Wendy. "Why
don't you go and ask that awful looking creature in the corner that looks
a whiter shade of pale".
Stephen turned, and saw a tall bony apparition drenched
in white talcum powder sitting in the corner. "Please, sir, who
exactly are you" said Stephen in a trembling voice. "Who am I?" creaked
the doddering apparition, showering Stephen in talc. "I am Musi-ghoul".
"Oh Bria" said Stephen in relief, "you gave me a right turn". "Oh -
said Musighoul - "then you've seen my act with Essex Girl and the Dagenham
Trades & labour - "they said we were a right turn - we did Pearl & Teddy's
Ivor Novello number. But listen lad, I understand that Jimbo has buggered
up the three wishes, - as luck would have it, I have here the halloween
hedgehog - out of Jelly's magic garden. Hidden in his bristles are three
lucky pennies - each of which will grant you three further wishes.
But I warn you , should you find the penny that has Guy Mitchell instead
of ER II on it, then truly the hedgehog nasty stuff will hit the fan.
Now quickly take the lucky hedgehog to Mistress Wendy. Running off
cluthching his soggy notebook and lucky hedgehog, Stephen ran up to
Wendy who was busy taking a tray of malformed gingerbread men out of
the oven. Handing her the lucky hedgehog and forgetting all about the
Guy Mitchell penny Stephen told her that there were three more wishes.
Visions of George Chakiris and her in West Side Story entered her head
as she bit the arms and legs off one of the gingerbread men -
(looking somewhat like Robin) . Ensuring none of the other guest were
watching, Wendy said. I wish - oh how I wish - that.......
..."I wish that".....
suddenly she caught sight of the Guy Mitchell head on the penny.
Hedgehog, pennies, gingerbread men, apples and mulled wine flew
through the air in all directions.
"Who's idea was this?",
Stephen remained silent to avoid incriminating himself.
Jelly rushed off to warn Brian that Wendy was on the warpath.
"What happened to you, Jelly", asked Brian.
Jelly hadn't noticed that the red mulled wine had spilled over him and
he looked like he'd been hit with a shotgun blast.
"oooh, Mickey's been hit", screamed Jelly, "I'll have to get this tee
shirt washed straight away".
Jelly went off to find Wendy to ask about using the washing machine.
"Where's Wendy", he enquired to Stephen.
"Gone outside for a cigarette", replied Stephen.
Sure enough, Wendy had gone outside, not only for a smoke but to cool
down from the sudden vision of the Guy Mitchell head.
"I'll never get my wish now", she said to herself.
"Do not despair", came a voice from nearby, a voice she recognised.
It was the old Indian fakir.
"I said to you", the old man continued, "It will grant you three wishes,
you have only had one".
"But what about Chris and Jim", replied Wendy
"Each person that takes the claw may have three", came the reply.
"You have had one and your two friends one each".
"Then I have two more?", said Wendy.
"Yes, of course", said the old fakir moving away into the darkness...
Wendy sat and pondered for a moment, what was her dearest wish.
At last she decided, she closed her eyes very tightly, and said
I wish that for one day only all my friends and I were 18 again,
and it was 1958.
She opened her eyes and looked around her. Nothing had changed,
but as she finished her cigarette and went to go back inside, the
ground lurched, and everything swayed. The lights inside blinked and
flickered and suddenly the sound of
Buddy Holly came blasting out through the door.
Wendy looked down at herself, suddenly she was size 8 again, wearing
blue jeans and hair in a ponytail. She ran inside, there was everyone
looking young, slim and fit. The men even had hair again, though in the
case of some of them that was not necessarily a good thing.
Chris and Judy ran up to her, Wendy, this is great, how did you do it.
She explained about the fakir and that she still had one wish and Chris
and Jimbo still had another 2 each. Just be very very careful though,
she said. This has worked, but only because I worded it very carefully.
But, even as she spoke something was going wrong. A black, oily mist
started to roll down the stairs, enveloping everyone in darkness.
The music stopped. The water in the apple bobbing froze, nearly
trapping poor Jelly who was still desperate for some food.
The atmosphere felt as though it was charged with electricity,
everyone's hair started to stand on end.
From out of the mist emerged...........
a tall, slim figure dressed all in black and with a cape wrapped around him.
"Oooh er I don't like the look of him" whispered Chris
"Oh I don't know.........I think he's got quite a lot of sex appeal.
Very much the phwooarr factor going for him" breathed Judy staring
into the strangers eyes.
"What's wrong with Judy?" nudged Stephen to Jelly
"I......I don't know. It's like she's hypnotised" whispered Jelly
The stranger held out his hand to Judy, who took hold of it never
taking her eyes off his face. He slowly led her out of the room and
as he disappeared through the doorway he turned back and looked over
his shoulder at the mesmerised Turnips. As he did so he smiled.........
revealing two long fanglike teeth
Everyone stood staring at the door through which Judy had disappeared
with the dark stranger. What seemed like minutes but was only in fact
seconds, Judy came skipping back through the door with what looked
like teeth in her hand.
"Don't you all looked worried" she laughed. "It's all part of the game,
if you find yourself in a tricky situation, you just have to guess the
song title and if you're right, you'll be OK"
"What was yours then?" enquired Jim.
"Easy peasy" replied Judy. "Fangs Ain't What They Used To Be"
"Oh, this could be fun" said Theo and Kenny in unison.
I wish I was in a tricky situation right now said Theo excitedly.
Im just dying to have a go at this game. Before hed hardly got
the words out, he sneezed violently. Musi-Ghoul had just walked past
the group, still showering clouds of talcum powder everywhere he went,
and it was making Theo . Ah-ah-ah-choooo . sneeze very badly.
Have you got any tissues, Wendy, he sniffed.
Theres a box on the dressing table in my bedroom, hun she answered
from the kitchen, where shed gone to start getting the food out of
the fridge ready for the buffet later in the evening.
Theo headed for Wendys bedroom, and was relieved to give his nose a
good blow to clear it of the talc hed breathed in. He was about to
head back to the party, when he noticed a box on the bedside cabinet.
It was labelled Private and Personal Do Not Open. Intrigued,
he wondered just what might be in there. I bet its where Wendy
keeps her collection of rare record labels he thought. I think Ill
risk a peep - after all if I get into a tricky situation because of
sneaking a look, I only have to guess a song title and Ill be alright.
He gingerly opened the box an inch but immediately the room started
spinning, scattering Wendys nick-nacks all around the room.
Suddenly there was a puff of smoke from the box, and the tall dark
stranger appeared again, bearing down on him as he fell back onto
Wendys bed. The stranger smiled, revealing a new pair of fangs
dripping with blood. Please dont bite me squealed poor little
Theo, as the strangers face came closer and closer to his.
Then you must guess the song title, young man he said.
Please make it easy, sir Theo pleaded.
Alright, I will this time, breathed the stranger. "G by SB"
Oooooooooh! What a relief I know the answer, he said in a tremulous
voice. Its Ghoulfinger by Shirley Bassey. The room instantly ceased
to spin, the stranger disappeared, and Wendys nick-nacks came floating
down onto Theo as a lay exhausted on her bed. He slipped gently off to
sleep, overcome by his ordeal.
Meanwhile, Wendy had been joined in the kitchen by Ossie, who wanted to
find out whether he would like any of the food she was going to serve.
As its Halloween, Ive made my speciality Devilled Kidneys said
Devilled Kidneys Eeeew that sounds offal said Ossie, screwing up his
face. Have you got anything else
Well theres Curried Egg sandwiches with Mayonnaise . Carrot and
Celery dips Ossies face began to turn green. Oh, and theres one
piece of Pumpkin Pie that Jelly brought here in his trouser pocket."
I think Im going to be sick said Ossie and headed out to the
bathroom with his hand over his mouth.
At that same moment, Wendy heard a loud yell that she immediately
recognised as Jelly. She remembered that shed sent him upstairs to
dry his wet T-Shirt on the hot water tank. Whatever could have made
him yell so loudly. Surely he hadnt got into a tricky situation!
Wendy slowly made her way upstairs. She was being cautious because
who knew what else might happen that night.
As she reached halfway she looked up at the landing and there was
Jelly lying flat on his back and screaming as long green tentacles
slithered across the floor towards him. He tried in vain to move away
from them but it was too late because one tentacle slowly wrapped itself
around his ankle and started to pull him backwards.
Backwards to where the tall figure in black was waiting and rubbing
his hands in anticipation.
"Think of a song Jelly. Quickly....... think" yelled out Wendy
"I can't. I don't know any" called out Jelly as he struggled against
the grip of the tentacles.
"You must do. Come on........hurry" shouted Wendy as she rushed to
help him. She tried to pull the tentacles off him but it was useless
because they were much too strong.
Suddenly she felt something touching her ankle and looking down she
saw that she too was now in the grip of whatever it was that was trying
to imprison them.
Slowly one of the tentacles started to move higher up her leg.
"Ooooooh!" she breathed, but then she cast all other thoughts aside
as she leant forward and grabbed Jelly's hand.
"Help me Jelly. Try and stand up. We've got to get out of here somehow
before it's too late".
Jelly put a hand behind him and felt the wall, and he slowly managed to
get himself into a semi-upright position.
"Now hang on tight to my hand and don't let go whatever you do".
"Okay. But hurry. Think of a song" screamed Jelly
"Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show?" asked Wendy
"No.....no I haven't. My church never organised an outing to that.
Didn't think it was quite appropriate because......."
"Jelly, never mind that now. Just do what I do ok? It's just a jump to
the left" sang Wendy sticking her left leg out
Suddenly the tentacles shrivelled up and they were released. Keeping a
tight hold of Jelly's hand Wendy pulled him down the stairs where they
found to their dismay...........
Ossie, who had sampled the punch rather too freely dancing around holding
the claw. Chris and Judy were frantically trying to get him to put it down
When you wish upon a star, he sang drunkenly, you forget just who you are,
when you wish upon a star your dreams come true. But when you wish upon a
claw, a girl you might get to paw, when you wish upon a claw...
Suddenly, he tripped over a rug, and went flying, still holding the claw,
as he fell he said, oh b****r it, I wish I hadn't had those drinks
Everyone went silent
Once again an awful chill invaded the room, darkness descended and
out of the gloom came..............
a swirling yellowish mist. The smell of sulphur filled the air and
a few of the Turnips started to cough.
"Ugh! What's that horrible taste" asked Ossie who had a bit of a delicate
stomach still because of the thought of the devilled kidneys.
"The smell........I know what it is. I've smelt it before. Don't any of you
remember it from back in the 50's?" asked Wendy
The Turnips looked blankly at her not knowing what she was meaning.
"Think back..........it's smog. Don't you remember back to that awful
year.......back in........um......whenever it was" she turned to Stephen
in the hope that he may have written it down at the time in one of his
notebooks but then realised that he was too young to have been around back then.
"Well whatever it is........cough...... I'm finding it really.........
gasp...... difficult to breathe" said Judy
Wendy looked around at the Turnips who all seemed to be struggling for
breath. One or two of them even seemed to have succumbed and were lying
on the floor clutching at their throats.
"Quickly - open the door. We have to get outside where we can breath" she
"I........I'm.........I'm not going out there! It's Halloween. Who knows
what we'll find out there waiting for us" replied Stephen
"Well suit yourself then if you want to be a wimp. The alternative is to
stay in here and choke to death" and having said that Wendy started helping
up some of the afflicted Turnips and shoving them towards the door.
Just then there was a huge gust of wind that slammed the front door shut
and at the same time the windows shattered inwards covering everything with
Through the broken windows came bats, two of which embedded themselves
into the long wig that Judy was wearing.
"Get them off me" she screeched pulling at the wig in a vain attempt to
dislodge the bats who had opened their mouths revealing long teeth
"Never fear, Paul is here" and from the corner of the room shambled Paul........
slowly........ on account of his Frankenstein costume complete with shoes with
5" soles to add height.
"So vampire bats you can get rid of but moths you can't?" asked Wendy
As Paul started to dislodge the bats from Judy a low moaning could be
heard from one of the bedrooms upstairs.
"Sounds like Theo is waking up" said Chris
"But what if it's not him.......what if it's something else up there?"
asked Chris "I think somebody should go up and have a look".
She looked round her to see if anybody was going to volunteer their
services but all of a sudden...........
.... they could hear marching footsteps coming down the stairs, and the
turnips realised at once that the moaning they'd heard coming from
upstairs was actually the drone of a bagpipe. The footsteps were closer,
closer as they decended the stairs, and the drone became louder, louder as
it approached - No longer just a single pipe but what seemed like dozens of them.
Oh no, it was . The Dagenham Girl Pipers, in full kilt and sporran, and the
skirl of their pipes tunelessly wailing the 'Ghostbusters' theme. In a quiet
moment a few minutes earlier, Essex Girl had thought back with fond memory to
the days of her youth when she was a Piper in the band, and shed wished to
herself that she could re-live those happy days - not realising she was still
clutching one of the pennies that had been found in the bristles of Jelly's
Everyone had immediately pressed their fingers to their ears when they heard
the eerie wail of the Pipes, and only one person seemed happy about the new
arrivals. Stephen of course, whose face was positively beaming when he saw
so many nubile young ladies arriving.
Musi-ghoul - whose taste in music was always questionable found it all quite
entertaining, and began to do a Highland Fling shaking off the last of the
ghostly white talcum powder, and now fully revealing his ghostly white and puny
body. Not wishing to spoil his clothes with the talc, he'd decided to wear only
his Blues Suede Shoes and a pair of once snug fitting mini-briefs. He suddenly
realised with embarrassment that hed put on his old threadbare ones that hed
had since 1970 when hed gone to Amsterdam to attend the Eurovision Thong Contest
which had been held there that year. That was the time that Dana had won the Contest
with the song All Kinds of Everythong.
Fortunately Musi-ghoul had brought his best shirt and trousers with him,
folded neatly into a holdall hed left in the hall when he arrived. Hed
placed it on the floor next to Wendys broomstick, and the anorak hed
arrived in was hung on a hook nearby. Quickly, he headed for the door,
but Kenny was standing in the way with a sneering look on his face,
and humming to himself - Just A Thong At Twilight. Pushing Kenny
aside he made it to the Hall, but acutely aware that Judy, Chris and
Wendy were laughing their pretty little heads off at his predicament.
Musi-ghoul had even worse problems to face now. His holdall was no longer
where hed left it, and the anorak that everyone knew he always wore, was no
longer on the hook. Whats more, Wendys broomstick was missing too, and in
its place was Jimbos mop. Oh no! thought Musi-ghoul. Jim must have been out
here tidying up - and as usual, important things have gone missing. Whatever
was poor Musi-ghoul to do, stranded out here without even a penny to wish on
.....but "hang on", he thought, "surely this is a tricky situation, all I need
to do is think of a suitable song".
Much to the amusement of the other Turnips, Musi-ghoul began a rousing chorus
of "A White Sport Coat And A Pink Carnation" and lo and behold, when he looked
down he was wearing the said white coat and a huge pink carnation was covering
his confusion. His little white legs were still showing but what the heck.
The Dagenham Girl Pipers struck up a chord and began singing "We've Got A Handful
Of Thongs To Give You" and handed them out to the lads.
"Where's my Broomy gone?" cried Wendy, noticing that her broomstick was no longer
in the hall.
"Here I am" said a familiar voice. Jelly, on hearing the much-loved voice,
came running down the stairs and .....
.......clasped Broomy in a bear-like hug sending a grimace of pain across
"Steady on Jelly" said Broomy attempting to strip off his shirt and extricate
himself from Jelly's arms at the same time. "Anybody got any idea how I can get
this tar off the back of my shirt? I seem to have a bit of a fatal attraction
where lamposts are concerned".
"Oh Broomy you are so funny" chortled Jelly letting go of his friend.
"Well I suppose I could use one of my wishes to get your shirt clean but
that would be a bit of a waste really" said Wendy. "Why not use it to think
of a song like Musi-Ghoul did and if you think of a suitable one you may be a
ble to cover yourself up like he did"
"I don't really think pink carnations are quite my thing do you babe? replied
Wendy passed one of her coins over to him
"Well whatever you think of, make it something good" she told him
"I know exactly what song - one about one of my boyhood heroes" said Broomy
confidently and he started to sing while the other Turnips crowded round to
see what would happen.
"Born on a mountain top in Tennessee..........." suddenly there was a
blinding flash and there was Broomy resplendant in a coon-skin cap and
buckskins complete with fringes.
Before everybody could admire his Davy Crockett outfit a blood curdling
scream resounded through the house.......
For a moment everyone froze, then they all dashed upstairs to see where
the scream had come from. It was Theo, who had woken up from a lovely nap
to find himself cuddled up to a werewolf wearing a Dagenham Girl Pipers kilt.
It wasn't that scary said Chris, discarding the kilt and shaking out her fur,
no need to go over the top.
Theo decided he needed a drink to get over the shock, so everyone trooped
back downstairs. Halfway down Stephen tripped. I wish you'd get that wonky
stair fixed Wendy, he said, grabbing Chris to steady himself, not realising
that her second wish had transferred to him. All you need is a good carpenter
The front door flew open, and in came Richard and Karen. You called - they
chorused. No No said Stephen, I meant a wood carpenter. Richard and Karen
dissolved into mist, to be replaced by a massive hulk of a man, swinging
an axe, accompanied by a ghostly chorus of woodman woodman spare that tree.
He started chopping away at the stairs, the bannisters and anything else he
could get near.
For pity's sake, cried Wendy, someone wish him away well the house is still
standing. Jimbo and Chris cried "I wish the axeman would go away", almost in
unison, and he evaporated in a puff of black smoke. Well, thank heavens for
that said Judy, do you think there is any chance we can get back to the party
Everyone went back to the kitchen, where the devilled kidneys were starting
to look a bit sad, but the punch was looking more inviting by the minute.
Glasses were filled. A toast, said Jelly, Happy Halloween. As the words left
his mouth an eerie howling came from outside, followed by a scratching on the
roof, and down the chimney appeared.....
.. Wendys cat baring its teeth, and with a wild look on its face, and its
hair standing up on end. It lay in a heap on the hearth for just a moment,
recovering its breath and then shot across the room in a cloud of soot and
disappeared through the open kitchen window.
Oh my God cried Wendy. Whatever spooked it like that? She gazed around the
room and noticed Stephen looking rather sheepish. Has anyone been feeding
devilled kidneys to my cat?, she asked. Stephen said nothing and pretended to
be reading his notebook. Ill deal with you later, she said angrily,
but first of all I need this soot cleared up before it gets trodden into
my Axminster. Jelly! Make yourself useful and go and find Jimbos mop. Jim
you go and set up your Dansette on the table in the far corner. If we dont
get this party started soon, itll be Midnight the Witching Hour - and
theres a full moon tonight so I dread to think what supernatural events we
may yet have to face. I need a stiff drink, a cigarette, and a dance. Come on
Jim, play Misty for me
Gerraway - All not be playing that kind of music, Lass. Now then, get me
summat to sup, Paul lad Ave a lorra good music to get through here before
midnight. Paul had been helping Jim unpack his 45s, and had set them up
alongside the Dansette. OK Jim, I'll see if I can find you a beer.
By then Kenny and Musi-ghoul had arrived at the table, and were looking through
Jims pile of records - and were soon joined by Theo, who immediately asked
Have you got any Shirley Basseys, Jim?
No Burley Shasseys in my collection young fella-me-lad but I think Ive got
Two-Ton Tessie O'Sheas version of Big Suspender here somewhere.
Oooooooh I like Tessie OShea said Theo enthusiastically. She was in Petula
Clarks first film Please play it for me. Even young Stephen perked up when
he over-heard mention of big suspenders, and forgot about the ticking off he was
going to get later from Wendy.
You might as well play it, Jim said Kenny mournfully. Ive not heard of any
of these other records he added, as he started reading the titles to Musi-ghoul.
Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley Lets Jump The Broomstick, Brenda Lee
Monster Mash, Bobby Boris Picket Little Devil, Neil Sedaka
All good dance records, Kenny interrupted Musi-ghoul.
Well I dont know them What sort of songs are these, Jim? continued Kenny.
Satan On The Dock Of The Bay by Otis Redding What a load of rubbish!
Havent you got I Dont Stand A Ghost Of A Chance by Frank Sinatra?
Or Old Devil Moon?
I know that one Theo chipped in. Petula sang it in Finians Rainbow.
Youve brought an awful lot of Elvis records, havent you Jim? said
Musi-Ghoul, picking up another pile from the table. Ghoul Of My Best
Friend Bad Luck Charm Return To Satan, Address Unknown.
A Ghoul Such As I
Well Ive seen enough said Kenny. Im going to the kitchen to see if
Paul will fix me a Martini.
Tell him to hurry up with my Amber Nectar too said Jim as he placed a
Phil Spectre record on the turntable.
Kenny hurried into the kitchen to look for Paul, and was surprised to
find him stirring a huge cauldron of foul smelling, bubbling oily liquid.
That looks disgusting Paul he said. Whatever is it?
Its a Witchs Brew he said, dropping one of Jellys frogs into the mix.
Taste it Kenny he added, ladling a measure of the steaming liquid into a
tall glass. Its very nutritious itll put hairs on your chest.
Kenny hesitantly put the glass to his lips, and swallowed. Why did he do
such a foolish thing? His hand tightened on the glass and crushed it.
Hed never felt such power before. Hairs began to grow on the back of
his hand as the splinters of glass flew across the kitchen floor.
He looked down. His chest was expanding, and the buttons of his shirt
gave way and exposed his heaving body Just as Paul had predicted,
hairs were growing on his chest thick dark hairs.
Kenny was turning into ..
"No no" he moaned "it can't be" I can't be half of a duet -
I am a solo artiste."
"Gracious me" cried Musighoul - "does that mean one of the girls
will turn into Cher?"
"Me me me" they all cried in unison. "Quick, find me one of the
magic pennies" cried Judy. "Over my dead body" screamed Wendy.
"No way" cried Essexgirl. "I'm meant to be that tarty looking singer".
As they all rushed to find the magic coin, a gnarled old creature slid
through the door brandishing a recently shot but headless chicken.
"By the great bird of Hawkes Bay" cried the terrible vision,
"such wanton greed by these fair damsels shall not go unpunished.
This chicken - meant for the halloween pot - is cursed"
And so saying he waved the fowl (which curiosly had a claw missing)
at the three wenches, and turned them into The Beverley Sisters.
Immediately Theo rushed towards them brandishing his autograph album,
but without missing a note as they broke into Sisters, Joy (aka Wendy)
turned to him glaring and said......
"I hope you realise that if we sign this we shall expect damehoods."
Theo got down on his knees and promised faithfully that he'd start a
petition straight away and then he begged for his book to be signed.
Stephen offered up his pen which he conveniently kept tucked behind
his ear ready for writing in his notebooks as the need arose.
He'd abandoned his orange cat head and now was walking around with
it tucked under his arm.
The headless chicken still had a bit of life left in it and at this
point started hopping around the room causing mayhem. It was only
.......Robin appeared in the doorway brandishing a giant shotgun.
"Oh, bugger it" said the chicken. "First I lose me claw, then me head,
now it looks like the rest of me's for the pot"
"Dont, worry" cried Jelly, "we'll protect you"
"If we could only think of a song title" said Kenny.
"I know" cried Musighoul ......................
and he burst into "Picking a chicken"
"No no" squawked the bird "not that. Try another one"
"Chick chick little chicken. Lay a little egg for me" sang Jelly quickly.
And sure enough with cluck cluck here and a cluck cluck there,
the half demented bird dropped a huge golden egg on the floor.
"Ommelete" cried Jelly, but the egg started to grow in size,
knocking over the grovelling Theo and pushing the Beverley
Sisters back into the kitchen just as they were about to start
into "The Happy Wanderer". Larger and larger grew the egg -
rolling towards the terrified Sonny Bono (aka Kenny) who by
now was trying to hide behind Robin.
"Stand back you cowards" cried Robin, unaware that he'd got his
blunderbuss back to front. BANG BANG - and down dropped his trousers
as he unwittingly shot his braces off. BANG BANG went the egg -
and it cracked open to reveal.......
"Oh, thanks a lot" moaned the chicken, "I'm off" and with that
he made his way to the door, which was rather difficult without
Bernard and Robin began an in depth conversation on "101 ways to skin a
rabbit" and the rest of the Turnips continued to party.
"I'm dreading midnight" said Stephen, nervously. "all these weird
things keep happening. It reminds me of a "Hammer House Of Horror"
I saw in .....................
"Oh, do be quiet" said Wendy, "this is supposed to be a party"
The girls were enjoying themselves dancing in their gold lame
Beverley Sisters jumpsuits and at last things seemed to settle down.
Until, that is, Jim decided to play one of his favourite instrumentals
"Ghost Riders In The Sky".
From outside came an almighty roar of engines and ......
... a squeal of brakes. Musighoul was standing by the front door and
quickly flung it open. A huge white van had pulled up by the front gate,
and two men in white coats leapt out and started heading up the path.
Musighoul read the words printed on the side of the van, and called back
to the other turnips who had started to gather in the doorway behind him
HAWKES BAY FUNNY FARM Its OK gang the vans here to collect Robin.
Theyre coming to take him away, ha ha chuckled Musighoul.
Theyre not taking me back there again shouted Robin, and started to
fire his shotgun randomly round the room again.-BANG BANG and everyone
screamed BANG BANG. A shot whistled past Chers ear. Bang Bang
you shot me down Bang Bang our Robin shot me down Essex Girl picked
herself up off the floor, shaken by the narrow escape shed just had.
Hey hang on a minute Musighoul I know I wanted to be Cher a couple
of chapters ago, but wasnt I turned into one of the Beverley Sisters
when Robin waved the headless chicken at us? . Oh so you were, Chris
Im losing the plot Just get on with it said Musi Im writing this bit,
so just put it down to my age.
Before Robin could do any more harm, Jelly grabbed him in a jellyhug,
pushed him to the floor and pinned him down until the men in white coats
could take over and bundle him into the van. Broomy was immediately by his
side, and slapping him on the back he said Jelly Youre a hero.
Jelly blushed with pride Oh Im so happy because youve always been my
I think we all need to relax and unwind a bit after all that announced Wendy.
Put a nice calming waltz on your record player, Jim and well have a slow
dance to get our breath back.
Right-o Lass, he said picking up a Ruby Murray 78 from the bottom of the pile.
Ghostly, Ghostly - Come to me Touch my lips so tenderly
everyone was soon singing along.
Well at least, the musics started to improve said Kenny.
Theres a chance old Jim might even play Sinatras Witchcraft in a minute.
But before the Ruby record was even finished, the room began to get
cold again but more than just a chill the front door flew open
and an icy blast blew into the house. In unison, Wendy, Judy and Chris
pulled their Beverley Sisters feather boas tightly round their neck.
They could see icicles hanging from the trees outside, and the garden
path had turned into a sheet of ice. Suddenly the garden gate flew open,
and a lady in fishnet tights appeared. They could see she was wearing skates,
as they flashed in the moonlight. With a Triple Salchow and a Double Axel,
the lady spun up to the front door.
Is it Belita? cried Jelly. I always wanted to go to one of those Empress
Hall Pantomimes on Ice youre always talking about.
No its not Belita said Wendy. Weve seen those fishnet tights before
Its Viv! Welcome to the party, Im so glad you could make it.
I need a stiff gin said Viv. Its brass monkeys out there.
At least well have some Jerry Lee records to play now said Jim noticing
the bulging clutch bag tucked underneath her arm.
Sorry Jim she said. There was no room for records in here
its stuffed full of
....garlic and carrotts and such like, I had a call from Robin saying I needed
to bring stuff with me to make chicken stew and I'd be excommunicated from the
board if I failed, so I had to dump the records and lug all this stuff around".
Ah well, never mind said Jimbo, a least we've got some Gene Vincent and Robin's
gone back to the funny farm so lets get back indoors and carry on with the party.
At least, said Judy, as they went back in, the spell is broken and we're not the
Beverly Sisters anymore, shame though, said Chris, I was getting attached to that
boa, yes said Wendy, but bits kept falling off and getting in the drink
Back in the warm they discovered that Kenny had stayed in the warm with Theo, and
they had hi-jcked the Dansette and were playing Petula Clark over and over again.
For heavens sake, stop it, yelled Viv as Sailor boomed out for the 10th time,
followed by Downtown for the 12th time, lets have some decent music. We can't
stop it they cried, every time we try to take the record off something like a
force field stops us.
Don't be so silly, said Pat, force fields don't exist in real life, and she
strode across the room and reached for the arm to lift it off the record.
There was a flash of green light and the smell of ozone filled the room,
Pat was thrown back, and a voice boomed out THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME,
AND I AM NOTHING LIKE ONE. UNTIL I AM THIS DANSETTE IS CURSED TO PLAY NOTHING
BUT MY RECORDS.
My Goddess, cried Theo, dropping to his knees in front of the record player
How may I serve you
Theo, cried Musi ghoul, it isn't her, can't you see, its an evil
spirit pretending to be our Pet
It is her, it is, cried Theo, it must be, no-one else could imitate her -
please show yourself to me
Mist swirled around the room, and a shape started to form, it walked forward
and the mists parted to reveal.............
.......Ethel Merman, hips swaying as she glided along the floor her
feet obscured by a rhinestone covered dress.
"You can call me Madame but hey, you're a poor imitation of George Sanders"
she sneered as ....
......the assembled company ran for cover.
In a moment of sheer inspiration Ossie saved the day.
He quickly donned a Father Christmas outfit that he'd been saving for
a special occasion and always carried out with him, and, doing his
famed impression of Gene Kelly, danced across the room singing
"there's no business like snow business" whilst scattering talcum
powder that he swiftly gathered from where musighoul had been sitting.
The Ethel Merman apparation gave one last, ghastly High C shriek, and vanished.
The turnips came out from hiding. Theo decided to go for another
lay down to recover from the disappointment. Everyone else headed for the gin.
This is some party Wendy, declared Broomy, best one I've ever been to,
how are you doing all the special effects?
Wendy decided to ignore that, and instead reminded everyone
that apple bobbing was still available, and no-one had yet tried
the magic mirror. Oooh, I'm going to have a go at that said Viv,
and went off to the mirror room
Mirror mirror on the wall, show me your secret tell me all, she chanted.
The mirror darkened, and then.....
... a tiny spot of blue light appeared in the centre of the mirror.
Viv moved closer, and she saw that it was a strange little face, with
eyes darting from left to right and an arm extending from out of its ear,
and its hand scratching the top of its head. This is weird, thought
Viv. Little Blue Men? I must stop buying this cheap gin, Im starting to
get drunken hallucinations. Itll be Pink Elephants next.
At that moment, Judy came up alongside her. Oh Viv Youve seen one too.
I had the same strange vision myself an hour ago. I was completely lost for
words, and all I could say was Struth!. This place is turning into a madhouse,
she muttered. I shall have nightmares for the next week.
The evenings not over yet said Ossie, changing out of his Santa suit
and back into his anorak Theres a couple of hours to go yet before the
Witching Hour and I think the worst horrors are still to come. Im relieved
to say Im gonna have to leave you to it. Ive got an early flight to Cyprus
tomorrow, and I have my suitcase packing to do yet.
You have a great time, hun, said Wendy. And make sure you get those
chubby little knees nice and brown. Send us a postcard.
With that, Ossie bid a general farewell to everyone, and disappeared
into the night. Jim, meanwhile got control of his Dansette again, and notched
up the volume to get the party started once more with a bit of rock and roll.
Gene Vincent will soon have everyones toes tapping, Jim decided, and called
everyone onto the floor to dance to one of his favourites Genes recording
of Race With The Devil.
The party was going well again, but then the room suddenly began to get warm.
At first everyone was pleased after the chill in the air when Viv arrived on
her ice skates. But what no-one had noticed at the time was that those jokers
Broomy, Paul and Jelly had mockingly held up score cards to mark Vivs Triple
Salchow and Double Axel. The three of them each gave her a Perfect Six score .
6 6 6 . The room was now getting unbearably hot. You fools Wendy cried.
Dont you realise what youve done? I think your 666 has summoned up the
Devil from Hell ..
Not Jeremy Clarkson! Pat wailed, at the exact same moment as William Brown
wailed Not Tony Blair! Several other people were also in tune, but with
different nominees... Jonathon Ross, Bernard Matthews, but no.....there
was a red mist and out of it, leering horribly, appeared....
.......Richard Clayderman. Immaculate in a white suit at a white piano, with
red horns and a swishing, forked, red tail
His teeth gleamed sharp and bright, and he proceeded to regale the party
with That Old Devil Moon, Its That Old Devil Called Love, The Devil Came
Down to Georgia, all in strict waltz time.
The assembled part cried out for mercy - Oh no my little ones, he said.
You have called me and I never ever fail to appear and perform when called,
even if you didn't mean it.
I will only stop when you all agree to give me your souls.
Oh No cried,Jelly, what are we to do, I want to keep my soul
Don't you worry said Broomy, I have a plan, and he took Jimbo, Paul and
Kenny aside. Now here is what we are going to do, he said..................
They ran off to various areas of the house. Kenny woke Theo and all of them
ransacked cupboards and drawers looking for various items.
They reassembled downstairs where Richard Clayderman was still going strong.
Jimbo quickly grabbed Kenny's find and together they advanced. Devil, cried
Jimbo, I am garbed in the cloack of St Michael, wearing a pair of Wendy's
unmentionables on his head, and I am backed by the angelic hordes. Kenny,
Paul and Theo advanced brandishing records of Earth Angel, Angel Eyes and
You are My Special Angel, begone I order you.
With a last angry flourish of the keys Richard Clayderman flickered into non
existence, as he did so the clock struck the midnight hour. For a moment the
room was full of swirling ghosts and spirts, and then it was All Saints Day
when such things cannot appear.
The asssembled party cheered with relief - we made it cried Wendy, and by
the way can I have my knickers back. Aye lass, said Jimbo, good job you spent
all that time in Marks & Spencers on your last trip.
Well, after that the party went on into the wee small hours. Everyone danced,
apple bobbed, looked into the magic mirror and saw only Jelly making faces over
their shoulders. Laer, tiptoing round clearing up and avoiding people sleeping
on the couch, the floor, and one leaning against the coat stand in the belief
it was a lampost, Wendy came into the kitchen.
She started putting things away, and uncovered her grandmothers book, still
with the summoning spell sticking out of it. She looked at it,
perhaps not she thought, maybe next year......